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What It’s Like Dating Someone Who’s More Attractive Than You [Intimacy Issues]

And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment. Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare. In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust.

Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-down , giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.


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I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one. At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One.

Now you could be absolutely stunning in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediately , but your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One. So maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman.

Top 10 Things to Remember While Dating a Highly Intelligent Boy - TopYaps

Or your sexual aggression as a male. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity. Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south. Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex. Part of the issue is this: When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin.

By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you.


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  • You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success. Here's an incontrovertible fact: Every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm. And you, YOU, in the year C. Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking.

    Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened. Turns out your DNA works the same way, too.

    Men May Like The Idea Of A Smart Woman, But They Don't Want To Date One

    And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so such that he comes on over to say hi.

    To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether.

    10. Do not compete; it’s not a race:

    Let the program do its work. By virtue or vice of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect. Let's say by "smart" we mean "in the top 5 percent of the population in terms of intelligence and education. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement. Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95 percent of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5 percent of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful million or so people.

    Even if only 1 percent of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there. Still, that's less than 1 in 5, people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria. My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship and perhaps all of life is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be percent perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't.

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    And love them for that. In the next two versions of the study, men interacted with a woman who was in cahoots with the researchers who either performed better or worse on an intelligence test than they did.


    • dating results.
    • Why the Smartest People Have the Toughest Time Dating | HuffPost Life.
    • 9. Don’t expect him to have too many manual skills; he’s got more brains and less brawns:.
    • After the participants met the woman, took the test while seated next to her and heard both of their scores read aloud, male participants were asked to move their chair across from the woman's chair. They were then told to take a survey about their first impressions of the other -- specifically, how attractive and desirable they found each other.

      The researchers looked at the distance between the two chairs as a measure of how attracted the man was to the woman. Men who were partnered with a woman who scored higher on the intelligence test felt the need to physically distance themselves from her when moving their chairs. They also tended to rate her as less attractive and desirable to date than men who interacted with a woman who scored worse than they had. The last two experiments got even more nuanced by looking at the way men rated their own masculinity. In the fifth version, men were either told there was a woman in the room next door, or they were seated face-to-face with a woman again, in cahoots with the researchers.

      They then took an intelligence test side-by-side and were told their scores aloud. The men were told that the woman either scored higher or lower than them on the test no matter how well they did. Finally, participants f illed out a survey measuring how much they related to various stereotypically masculine qualities and how interested they were in the woman romantically. The sixth and last version of the study repeated the procedure of the fifth, but the men in the study saw the woman for a few minutes in person at the beginning of the study though they didn't interact with her.

      The last two versions of the study found that men were less interested in dating and interacting with a smarter woman when she was face-to-face with them. However, in the fifth study, when she was "psychologically distant" supposedly in the next room , there was no difference in men's desire to date or interact with her no matter how well she scored on the test compared to them.

      In fact, the men who never saw the woman showed a "marginal tendency" to want to interact with a woman who was hypothetically smarter. Men also felt less masculine when they were faced with a smarter woman sitting next to them than when they never saw said smarter woman. This study sheds light on one reason dating is so complicated: We don't always know what we want, even if we think we do. This just happens to be a particularly depressing example. It seems that, even if men say they want a smarter woman, when push comes to shove, they're not so into women who threaten their own intelligence.